I have had two successful marriages. I don’t believe any relationship is a failure so long as you walk away having learnt something about yourself. My first marriage ended after nine years.
Nine years of knowing we were not ultimately right for each other but having a strange pull towards staying… not without plenty of separations and difficult conversations about the longevity of our relationship along the way. We had lessons to learn from each other, children to be born of our combined energies and a maturity in our souls before meeting our true life partners.
During our marriage I would cry whilst hanging the washing on the line, pondering “Is this it? Do I just have an unrealistic expectation of what love is and this is how all married people feel?” I started to believe I needed to get my head out of the clouds and face the reality that life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. I was overjoyed with every other aspect of my life other than my marriage and I should be grateful for what I did love about my existence.
The divide between us became incredibly strong over the years, our paths were pulling further and further apart, making it challenging to just hang in there. The split didn’t come without sorrow. I mourned the relationship ending, my heart broke letting go of a person who I shared so much with; we met carefree in a ski resort in France, travelled together, suffered the most heart wrenching grief together and made a family and a home for ourselves. He was my best friend but I had to let go of the energy we created together, it no longer served either of us.
I realised when I met Glen, that my head was not in the clouds about what love should feel like. When you meet a person who is apart of you, the pull is so strong to do whatever it takes to be with them.
Every cell and atom in our bodies were being magnetised towards each other, intensely being pulled in. The attraction was so powerful, I was being sucked in by his presence and aura. Passionately falling for his existence. It felt surreal.
I had met my twin flame.
A soulmate is someone you connect with deeply, want to share your experiences with, but there is a distinct separation in your energy and theirs…. Two people in love and connected, wanting similar things in life and creating a beautiful experience together but you identify with yourself foremost.
A twin flame is not this. A twin flame is meeting a soul that is of you. Your energies are one and the same presenting in two separate bodies.
What makes the experience even more powerful is how synchronicities from the universe have worked their magic to introduce this person to us. Meeting them was predestined, the stars themselves have written when and how the encounter will occur. One way to describe this mixture of extraordinary connection is that we’ve come into contact with our twin flame.
But.. it is not all rainbows and butterflies. Your twin flame is a pain in the arse.
The Entanglement of Love and Hate
As magical as love feels, it is also very complex and challenging.
They are a mirror, reflecting everything that lurks deep within us; every crappy attitude, every story and darkness we’ve tried to hide will be reflected by them back to us.
When I met Glen, the chemistry was intense, all that spent time with us could feel it and see it. One dear friend of Glens shared with me the first time I met him,
“You are a female version of him, this could either be amazing or very dangerous”.
Over the coming months I realised how right he was. We were an untamed fire burning wildly. The bedroom was red hot, our partying was night long and we could not get enough of each other. It took our excited energies (and bodies) time to calm down the exhilaration of our union.
Mixed in with the passion was challenge after challenge. Glen was grieving not living with his children anymore. He was learning how to have a real relationship with them after living an existence of “breadwinner” in his previous role, not having much hands on parenting time and now caring for them entirely the nights they were with him.
I helped him learn to cook nutritiously for them, gain their respect and create a healthy relationship through the trauma of a broken family.
I hindered him in creating a healthy relationship with his ex-wife as my involvement in his life caused much pain to her, and therefore to us and the kids.
We battled through creating a blended family, working on the clash of our strong personalities and finding a new way of being together whilst letting go of the baggage and expectations of our old identities.
In a soul mate relationship, we would not of had strength to get through these tests. In a twin flame relationship, you have no choice but to be together once you meet. It is impossible for us to look away, or avoid, our twin flame that languidly. Our very souls are one, making it very difficult to not look them in the eyes and see our own soul staring right back at us.
Being one does not mean losing yourself
Our partners; whether it be a soulmate, twin flame or a meer partner in life are meant to expose us to the outer edges of ourselves. The deeper the level of connection, the deeper the exposure.
Although it’s normal to experience intensely passionate love during moments of deep connection and understanding it is also normal to experience gut-wrenching pain, as layers of ourselves are peeled away through the union to reveal who we truly are, it’s important to not blame our partner for how we feel. They are merely mirrors of ourselves, and we should take responsibility and accountability for what triggered us to respond in a certain way.
It is our job to look inside of ourselves, and not outside towards our partners. This task requires a lot of introspection and self-honesty, which can leave us vulnerable, but certainly worth it in the end.
Self-acceptance and self-love is key, for if we can love our partners who are mirrors of ourselves, then that means we have learnt to love ourselves too. Once we realise that our partners are also souls trying to navigate through the journey of life just like us, we can be more compassionate and loving to them, and ultimately, to ourselves.
For me, connecting with my twin flame is the most beautifully rich experience. He uncovers the most important question to ask myself to reach a point of enlightenment I crave:
Do I love or hate my own soul?
And our answer lies in how we show up in the relationship… for our own benefit of what they give to us, or unconditional love and compassion.